Is "Free" Really Free?

What is compassion? How do we, as members of the greater community, show our regard for people with an obvious disability without making them feel different? How do we include them when their resources are limited? These are questions that most people will have to deal with, at one time or another, as adults with developmental disabilities appear at events and social gatherings.

Our Ranchers are part of their community. They volunteer, they attend local events, they work at local businesses, and they spend their money at local establishments. Most people are appreciative of our Ranchers' ability to function as members of society and of the guidance that our staff gives them in dealing with members of the public. We try very hard to help our Ranchers find a way to make their disability a secondary issue.

However, there is a faction of the community that feels it's necessary to give gifts to our Ranchers simply because of their disability. This group of people is kind hearted and I believe their actions are meant to be a blessing to people whom they see as less fortunate. However, they are, in essence, creating a microcosm of a welfare society. We go to a local festival, a farmer's market, or a church event and our Ranchers come home loaded down with water bottles, hats, scarves, lanyards, pencils, pens, note pads, and trinkets. While they are temporarily thrilled with this outpouring of material kindness, the reality is that it feeds the desire for more "free stuff" and teaches the wrong lessons to people who desperately need to learn to place value on people, character, and relationships rather than material things.

The first result is the creation of people who walk around with their hand out everywhere they go. It fosters a lack of social skills, promotes a misunderstanding of the value of their fellow man, cultivates a disregard for a strong work ethic, and squashes the development of personal generosity. The disabled person comes to believe that the people who are their friends are those who give them "free stuff" in the form of gifts with no real or lasting value. This is dangerous at best, putting the disabled person in peril of being easily taken advantage of.

The second result is that it undermines the efforts of Triangle Cross Ranch to integrate our Ranchers into the community as respected memebers. To be respected, a person needs to have at least an elementary understanding of personal responsibilitiy. Care givers work very hard at teaching this to their charges who have limited understanding. How quickly their efforts are negated by well-intentioned but short sighted people who feel better personally because they gave something to a "poor disabled person." The Rancher obsesses about the next opportunity to get a freebie, to go shopping on someone else's money, and to get more and more stuff to fill the hole that should be filled with self respect, a sense of accomplishment and real relationships.

The third result is a bedroom stuffed with things that do not qualify as resources (no matter how well-intentioned the giver) and lay unused and forgotten as the next opportunity of "free" is pursued. Ranchers have enough trouble managing their essentials without adding volumes of nonessentials to the mix. It creates confusion and frustration along with other associated behavior problems. Obsession, bad temper, angry outbursts, isolation, panic attacks and a host of other issues become the order of the day in their attempts to manage their many useless treasures. The price paid for "free stuff", by staff and Ranchers alike, is great.

Here's the bottom line on kindness to people with disabilities:

God cares about the spiritual formation of each and every person, including the disabled. He is working actively to mold them into His image. All the while, we, as kind-hearted as we think we are being, work against His goals of forming Christ in each person.

Our Ranchers don't need more "stuff." They need to be included as friends who stand on equal footing with other members of the community. Include them in your activities, talk to them without condescending or exaggerated tones, adjust conversations so they can participate, take them in as part of your group, but don't give them anything for free. I don't know about you, but I don't give "free stuff" to all of my friends every time I see them, and the ones who expect it aren't my friends for long. Why would we treat people with disabilities any different? Why would we foster resentment when we could form healthy relationships?

Our Ranchers don't have the real resources to pay for their own living expenses, don't have the skills to produce these resources and don't understand the need for this. Their families pick up the slack or the Rancher does without. These expenses include safe housing, 24-hour staffing, transportation, high quality food, toiletries and all of the basic necessities of living a healthy life style. It's a great irony that adults with developmental disabilities overflow with things they don't need, and yet, so many live in povery or depend on family members to provide the necessities. Trinkets and "free stuff" cannot provide medical services, housing, or loving care, which all come at a high cost. The greatest kindness is to help a person in a real way on a long term and consistent basis. This requires a thoughtful approach and a sacrifice on the part of the giver--both of which will help create the image of Christ in the giver.

So how do we show kindness to people with disabilties? Stop giving them "free stuff." Include them as equal members and donate towards their real needs. If you're going to give, give of yourself in a real way. God has given the free gift of salvation to each of us. That's enough "free" for a lifetime! He asks us to give of our substance and of ourselves to those who need grace and mercy. Keep your "free stuff" for someone else who can bear the cost having it.

A Humble Perspective

Many, if not most, of our Ranchers have been on the waiting list for government funding for 10 years or more. Our Ranchers' families pay out of their own pockets in order to place their Rancher at TCR and many pay dearly in terms of doing without. The people who pay the bills are parents with households and businesses to consider; elderly parents living on a fixed income; siblings raising their own children or grandchildren and trying to pay for college; and Ranchers, themselves, who are quickly using up the money left to them through a settlement or trust fund.

The Ranch intentionally works hard at keeping costs at a minimum. I don't think you'll find an organization that does more with less than TCR. But...costs rise every year and our Ranchers' resources diminish. SSI and SSDI funds don't provide enough to cover a person's basic needs, reducing them to living in poverty if this is their only resource. Taxes go up, stock markets go down, food costs rise, electricity and propane bills skyrocket, and the cost of paying qualified staff goes up proportionately.

For a person with intellectual disabilities, making up the difference is not just a matter of going and getting a second job. Indeed, getting a first job is difficult, if not downright impossible, depending on the disability. Very few employers want to deal with a seizure disorder or bear the cost of providing the kind of oversight that our Ranchers need while working. No, most people with disabilities depend on others to provide the necessities of life, whether this translates to family or government, and the people that control the purse strings effectively control their world.

So why am I telling you this?

I'm telling you this because our Ranchers live at the Ranch both by choice and by necessity. Some families choose to stay in control of their loved one's world, rather than give them over to a system that has set them up to fail in the past. Others are waiting for the government money to come through, but there just isn't enough money to go around; the list gets longer every day and there doesn't seem to be a logical way for the average Joe to predict how that money will be allocated.

So whose job is it, anyway, to provide for adults with disabilities? In my humble opinion, it's the job of the family, the community and church all working together, caring for their own. I'm not a big fan of the "it takes a village" mentality, but in this scenario, it is applicable. If the community and the church would get behind a family with a disabled child, we wouldn't need government programs that regulate us into poverty. If the community and the church invested in their own members, people with disabilities could live where it was best for them, and not be forced into a "one size fits all" mold. If the community and the church focused on doing the right thing in their own hometowns, the only people who would live in poverty would be those who actively chose it.

Pie in the sky? Maybe. Disagree if you want. Say it's a pipe dream if you want to, but I'll tell you that here at the Ranch we have as close to this dream as I've ever seen. Community and church work together here to help provide a hope and a future for 10 disabled people. Yes, the cost is high. Yes, it gets messy. No, it's not perfect, but neither are the people who are investing in us. However, the process not only provides assistance for our Ranchers, but creates human beings with heart and compassion--pretty rare commodities these days.

And where do you fit? My challenge to you is to go out and find a way to invest in your local community and those people at risk that are near to you. Take care of home before you branch out, and then...branch out. Enlarge your community to encompass more and more people. Go on. They need you. They're waiting for you.

October Rancher of the Month

This is April*. She comes to us from a home in the southern United States by way of her family ranch in Nebraska. April is an outdoors kind of girl who loves animals, bugs, snakes, dirt, rocks and anything else from nature. She is a kind and gentle person who needs lots of hugs--on her own terms only--and understanding from her house parent and friends.

April likes to collect things and has, in the past, hidden her collection quite cleverly. Recently, however, she has created a display in her room of the things she has collected and is very pleased with the outcome. Her house parent is very pleased as well.

April is extremely creative. She makes up songs on the spur of the moment and has an amazing sense of color and design. In our fiber workshop, she makes hand made felt and blends surprising colors together that make for beautiful patterns. She also quite accomplished at needle work of any kind.

She likes to work in the garden and will work from begininning to end at any task she is set to. Pulling weeds is her summer project and she enjoys being responsible for keeping the flower beds around her house clean.

April is happiest when she can walk out on the Ranch and talk to the animals in the pastures. They come to her readily because she is so gentle with them and has a special ability to calm them and earn their trust. We call her "The Goat Whisperer."
April is good company. She likes to talk and joke while riding along to appointments and shopping. She doesn't ask for much and is very easy to please, which makes her even easier to spend time with. Mostly, April wants friends and caregivers that will take the time to earn her trust and will stay in her life a long time.

We're pleased to call April our friend. She is absolutely...

...bursting with abilities, capabilities and possibilities!!!

**Triangle Cross Ranch does not use Ranchers' real names in our public posts.

Folk Camp Highlights

We held our first Folk Camp this fall with the theme of "getting to know our pioneer roots." Our new activities director, Randee, put it all together. The Ranchers participated in candle dipping, weaving, quilting, making butter, milking goats, square dancing and a host of folk crafts, games and activities.

Camp fires, singing around the fire, hobo dinners and storytelling topped off each evening. Camp ended with a good old fashioned pot luck supper and barn dance. Mike Heroy, of Dry Creek Band, and Ron Camerrer, of the Gospel Bluegrass Jam Group, were the musical heroes of the night.

It was a full week and the Ranchers are happy to go back to the regular schedule, including plenty of time to rest.

Randee and Hannah, our camp coordinator and photographer---AND energetic life coaches!

And finally, our very pretty little visitor.

Come on out and visit us anytime. We're always glad to see you.

Ramblings...

One of our employees spoke last week with a staff member from the local Community Center Board. This is the agency that receives and allocates the state funding for care for disabled adults in the county. This staff member mentioned that she had always viewed the Ranchers at Triangle Cross Ranch as prisoners because she thought they were isolated and "held hostage" at the Ranch. I want to respond to that point of view.

The system endorsed by the state of Colorado specifies that adults with disabilities must be integrated into the community. This is not a choice. This is a mandate. At first blush, it appears that this philosophy is so correct and so right on target that few people ever challenge it. Of course disabled individuals should be included in the community at large! Of course adults with disabilities should be surrounded by all types of individuals and be considered a vital part of the "normal" population! Who can disagree with that? I can't!

However, in practice, the issues are more than just integration and inclusion. DD adults are very open to use and abuse by others--people who, both disabled and non-disabled, have something to gain from manipulating and controlling. The instances of abuse are many and include everything from financial exploitation to sexual abuse. Let me tell you some stories to illustrate this important situation.

Gina spent several years in a state funded facility in Mississippi. The youngest child of the family, she had lived with her parents and traveled extensively with her mother until the time of her mother's death. Gina is diagnosed with mild retardation and has behaviors that include stealing, hoarding and gathering "shiny stuff" and "pretties", and items that are related to nature. When promised gifts and goodies, Gina will do whatever she is told to do in order to get her prize. In the previous facility, staff members and other residents purchased sexual favors from Gina in exchange for marbles and trinkets. Gina lives at the Ranch now, and after a brief and very difficult period, is blooming little by little.

Mark is an autistic man who came to the Ranch at the age of 22. His parents, not knowing what to do with him, used Mark for free manual labor at their home and business and locked him in his bedroom each evening and whenever they weren't at home. When they were gone for weekends, Mark was left locked in his room with no one to help him or interact with him, a limited supply of food and water and a toilet "container". Mark was hit over the head with a 2x4 by his father because he couldn't perform his work duties to his father's satisfaction. A few weeks later, Mark was brought to the Ranch and abandoned. Every time money became tight for his family, they would lobby to bring him back home so they could control his SSI and SSDI. Mark refused to return to his parents' home. He lived at the Ranch for 22 years until just recently when he became eligible for comprehensive services through Medicaid.

David was placed in two different group homes in his 36 years, one lasting several weeks and the other less than 48 hours. Each placement ended because David was severely beaten by staff members and retrieved from the hospital by his mother. David is a very big person with a kind and gentle heart, but very little self control and no concept of his strength. To integrate David at this time would put David's safety at risk and would scare the people that he comes in contact with. David is living at the Ranch and working at learning proper social interactions with a small group of people who know and care about him.

Bob has lived in several group homes in Colorado. Even though his mother lives quite close and is very involved in his life, he reports that he was raped by another male resident during one of his placements. Bob is autistic with mild retardation, so it's difficult to determine details and time periods from his reports. Bob also has an excellent memory and he struggles with his memories, which appear to be vivid. He lives at the Ranch, feels comfortable enough to share his fears with his staff member and enjoys life, for the most part.

Levi came to the Ranch as a very high functioning 18-year-old. He had serious problems with judgment and decision making and refused to stay on the Ranch because he believed he could live on his own. Levi left the Ranch and refused his parents' oversight, moving in with a person he met at a job interview. This person talked Levi into signing over his SSI and SSDI in payment for a place to live. Levi was kicked out of the house after 3 days and it took another 90 days for his SSI and SSDI payments to be restored to his parents. Levi was later talked into participating in credit card fraud. He was arrested while the person who used him in the scam disappeared with the money. He has been homeless for weeks at a time and continues to be manipulated by predators who can spot him a mile away. We do not know where Levi is at this time.

I could go on. Triangle Cross Ranch is not a facility for abused adults. We deal with very typical DD people, and yet the stories of past abuse are more the norm than the exception. Is this a failure of the state system? Not really. Many DD adults thrive in the established system, but like any other model of care (including Triangle Cross Ranch) it is not a system without its problems.

Not all DD adults are able to thrive when thrust into the larger community. Some need additional oversight and some the acceptance and security of living among peers within the same community for lengthy periods of time so that their self-esteem can grow. The Ranch is an option for such people. They have the opportunity to work on-site. They have recreational options along with friendships and relationships. Most importantly, they have the opportunity to interact with the larger community, but on their terms and at their own rate, rather than according to a government mandate. The limitations in place at the Ranch are designed to protect the Rancher from harm by predators, hold Ranchers accountable for their own actions and teach and train them in the ways of adult behavior. To perceive Ranchers as hostages is to misunderstand the needs of the Ranchers and to be misinformed of the facts.

No single model of care has all the answers for DD adults because they are all so different and their needs are so varied. The people who house and work with DD adults, loving them purely for who they are, are heroes no matter what model they follow. I believe that the CCB staff member is changing her point of view. Why else would she admit to such a thoroughly biased opinion without knowing the facts? Because of our model of care, TCR is denied government funding. In many ways, this is freeing because we can continue to care for our Ranchers according to our convictions and according to actual needs, rather than assumed needs. In other ways, it's troubling because those agencies that receive government funds tend to quote the party line, making judgements without benefit of knowledge. I can't blame them. You just don't bite the hand that feeds you.

However, regardless of the perceptions of those who are uninformed, Triangle Cross Ranch will continue to become a viable option for those whose funding has been cut or eliminated, for those who haven't been able to find success in the larger community and for those whose families just feel better knowing their family member is sheltered from predators.

Come on out and visit us. Be informed. Find out for yourself. We're always glad to see you.

June Rancher of the Month

Our June Rancher of the month is Eric**. Eric comes to us from Florida, by way of Georgia. He works at a local goat dairy, helping with the daily chores and the bi-weekly raw milk deliveries.

Eric is a quiet and unassuming person who is soft spoken and kind to the other Ranchers. Many of our Ranchers look up to Eric because he is so kind and patient with others. They voted him into the office of Ranch mayor last November and he has since passed his office on to another Rancher.


















Of all of our Ranchers, Eric is the most apt to jump in and help out with the most difficult jobs, especially when it includes manual labor. Eric is also a tremendous help to his house parent because he qualifies to cook and work in the kitchen.

















Eric spends his free time taking long walks and watching his favorite TV programs, as well as helping our Ranch manager with whatever work needs done around the Ranch.

Eric is good company. He talks about his life, his opinions (which are many), and his family. He is also a good listener, patiently hearing some of the other Ranchers saying the same thing numerous times. He never complains. He is a friend to all, Ranchers and staff alike.

The staff is very proud of Eric. He quit smoking this year, which may be one of the hardest things he's ever done.



















Eric's greatest desire is to live on his own. The Ranch will be opening an independent living home early next year and Eric will qualify to live in that house. It will be the first step towards his dream and we're pleased to be able to offer him this option.

...bursting with abilities, capabilties, and possibilities!

**Triangle Cross Ranch does not use the Rancher's real names in our public posts.

June Rancher of the Month

This is Bruce.** Bruce is definitely his own person. He works 4 days a week at a local restaurant as a dish washer and pays his own bills here at the Ranch. He loves to watch TV, especially sports and the news. If we ever need to know what the weather will be we can always trust his reports.




Bruce's routine is very important to him. He lives by the preposted menus, the calendar and the schedule of activities. Deviating from his routine brings him unbelievable stress so things are very predictable in his life and we work hard at keeping it that way.




The Colorado Rockies is one of Bruce's favorite teams. We occasionally get free tickets from friends and donors and the outings to the games are some of his best times. Bruce takes his transistor radio with him to the ball park and listens to another game being played while he watches the Rockies play. He knows all of the statistics of nearly all of the American League and National League players. He's a wealth of information and very handy to have at a baseball game.
Of course, the Broncos are Bruce's other favorite team and he catches every game he can on TV.





Bruce likes to watch action movies with kissing in them. He laughs at each and every kiss, blushes every time and comments about the couples who kiss on the screen. Some of his favorite movies are The Mask of Zorro and Top Gun.





Bruce bottle fed his own Nubian kid this spring and named it, what else?, Bruce! Happily, the fact that Little Bruce was a girl didn't interfere with their relationship at all.

Bruce has been here at the Ranch for 22 years, longer than any other Rancher, board member or staff member. He has seen more than he is able to communicate in those years. He has recently come to the top of the federal funding waiting list and will be moving away from the Ranch to live closer to his job in a host home in Greeley. He's nervous and excited all at the same time. The uncertainty of where he will live and who his housemates will be is causing him stress, but the staff and Ranchers all tell him how much his new family will love him and how happy he will be. After all, what's not to love? He should move to his new diggs by the end of July.

Bruce recently told us that he "wouldn't even miss this place." He laughed after he said it and we knew he was starting to separate. It was sad for us, but a necessary step for him. He loves his house parent, Pauline, very much and depends on her for much more than help with daily living skills. She provides the sense of family, love and unconditional acceptance that Bruce needs to thrive. The local agency is doing their very best to find Bruce a family whose style is a lot like Pauline's.

Needless to say, we will all miss him desperately. This is the next step that God has for Bruce and once his routine is established, he will bloom where he is planted, just as he's bloomed here at Triangle Cross Ranch.

The best of God's blessings to you Bruce! We love you!

"...bursting with abilities, capabilities and possibilities!"

**Triangle Cross Ranch does not use our Ranchers' real names in our public posts.

May Rancher of the Month

This is Alex.*** He is a wonderfully energetic young man who comes to us from Kentucky. Alex has been at the Ranch for nearly a year and the adjustment has been a challenge for him. As of today, he's ever so proud to call Triangle Cross Ranch "my Ranch" and to name all of his friends.

Friends are important to Alex. He left behind a long list of close friends in Kentucky to live closer to his family. As he continues to settle and adjust, Alex finds himself more and more in demand with the other Ranchers. This pleases him to no end.

Alex loves to work. He's all about work and being busy. Unlike some, Alex loves to work in the gardens, help with the horses and alpacas and help the staff with grounds keeping. He also delights in helping get the evening meal ready and serving others. His heart is truly a servant's heart. The only thing he hates to do--with a passion, I might add--is housework.

Alex also loves to be praised for his efforts--don't we all? He thrives on nearly any kind word directed his way. Alex also likes keys, as they are symbols of power to him. His favorite reward for adult behavior is a key to carry on his ever expanding ring. None of his keys open a single lock, but that's not really a concern to him. He loves the sound of them jingling against his leg as he walks around the property. He loves to feel their smooth and rough parts and see them reflect the light. Mostly, he loves to compare the number of keys he carries to the keys his life coach carries. It makes Alex feel important to be trusted with so many keys.

Alex will trade in some of his keys for a cell phone in the near future. This is another symbol of power and an enormous reward for long term adult behavior. While there will be no service on the phone, he enjoys "talking" to his family and friends throughout the day. This will make his weekly phone call from his parents even more special as he'll have a chance to think through and practice his conversations.

Speaking is difficult for Alex, but he uses sign language and is able to use enough words to make his thoughts and opinions known. And he has LOTS to say!! His favorite things to talk about are his family, his friends, and the projects he wants to see in the future. He has more ideas than one young man should have room for inside of him--a large gymnasium, a giant red score board, a swimming pool, a riding arena, a new office building, lots of new Ranchers, concerts, baseball games--the list grows weekly.

Music moves Alex outside of himself. He's one of God's true praisers, conducting the earthly and heavenly choir with gusto whenever there is live music. He uses a white baton to conduct and does so without a moment's thought--it's just part and parcel of his perfect spirit. Alex reminds us that even though our Ranchers may not reflect perfection on the outside, their spirits are completely intact and completely perfect. Their child like souls demonstrate the things that make children so endearing and disarming--enthusiasm, imagination, trust, love without conditions and implicit faith. Thank you Alex, for helping us to become as little children, which pleases our Father enormously.

**Triangle Cross Ranch does not use our Ranchers' real names in our public posts.

March Rancher of the Month

Meet Laura!* She's our March Rancher of the Month. Laura is non-verbal, but she communicates better than most. She's been a Rancher for 14 years and never wants to live anywhere else.

Laura loves music and dancing. She sings long and loudly when given the chance and freeform dances until she drops--literally--whenever there is lively music. Laura is full of life and loves to tease. She uses sign language on occasion to get her message across, but her facial expressions say more than any sign language could.

Laura is in charge of the house dog, Tasha. She feeds her, walks, her, cleans up after her and watches out for her safety. She does an amazing job at it and Tasha loves her and trusts her. Laura also has a pet bunny that receives exemplary care. She takes care of her bunny all by herself and never needs help with this task.

Laura's room is organized and clean nearly all the time because it's very important to her--it's part of her routine and she thrives within her routine. She has pictures of horses, wolves and eagles on her walls. Her favorite movies are westerns that feature John Wayne, Roy Rogers and the Lone Ranger.

Laura loves gentle hugs, tickling and laughing, cuddles, and hand holding. She's an unrepentant tease, reveling in giving the staff a gentle poke in a ticklish spot, then running away and laughing at their surprised reaction.

Laura hasn't always been as relaxed and secure as she is today. She's had her share of stressful times and bouts with temper tantrums and such, but the Ranch has become her home and it's a good fit for her. The longer she lives at the Ranch, the happier she is. In fact, the longer we have Laura with us, the happier we are, too! She is a pearl of great price and a treasure to all of us here.

...bursting with abilities, capabilities and possibilities...!

*Triangle Cross Ranch does not use our Ranchers' real names in our public posts.

February Rancher of the Month

Meet Dave*. He's one of our Ranchers. Dave is a kind and gentle person who loves to help people. He's looking for a job right now and would like to work at a grocery store or some other kind of store. He's got experience in that kind of work.

Dave's got a great sense of humor and is an unrepentant teaser of other Ranchers, staff and visitors. He would like to have a girl friend, but God hasn't brought him the right one yet. Dave knows that women need to be treated differently than men because they have different likes and dislikes than men. He has excellent manners and makes friends easily.

Dave needs a few more seconds to answer questions than most. He thinks deeply and carefully about things and takes his time to put his words together, so it's always worth the wait. Dave is one of the best housekeepers in his house. He does the dishes and wipes the counters and stove top after every meal and nearly always responds when someone needs help with their chores.

Dave has a room full of DVD's that he likes to watch. He especially likes High School Musical 1 and 2. He's not very interested in live TV, although he got a very nice new television for Christmas. He wants to learn new things--things like painting with water colors, crochet, knitting, wood working, and carpentry. He's made a crochet chain several feet long and is now learning to turn it and crochet in the holes all the way back. Dave asked for help in painting a picture of red roses for his mother. He's also painting some ceramic green ware to fire in our kiln in the spring.

When people visit the Ranch, Dave is one of the first to shake hands and speak. He attends many Ranch tours along with the Director and offers his advice and guidance. As a valued Rancher, Dave knows that his input is not only important, but vital and eye-opening for others.

Overall, Dave is a wonderful and incredibly able person. He's a good friend and excellent companion. He'll never judge another person for making a mistake or for the way they look. He hates name calling and being treated in a mean way, so he'll never do that to someone else, at least on purpose. He's responsive, responsible and respected by the other Ranchers and by the staff.

"...bursting with abilities, capabilities and possibilities!!!"


*Triangle Cross Ranch does not use Ranchers' real names in our public posts.